Start Spreading The News

Gale is entertained right now.
It is strange.
Gale just picked up the entire run of The Critic.  Gads, Gale forgot how great this show is.  Gale has been laughing almost non-stop.
Great suff!

Wine And Women

That's right, I'm dead.
Dead as a can of Spam.
Went out with my...friend tonight. She was half an hour late, no surprise there, but it worked out well. We sat about talking for far longer than we should have, considering we were both more or less dead.
After that, I vaguely remember going home, where upon reaching the couch to remove my shoes, I remember nothing. Until I regained consciousness about 10 minutes ago, while still wearing one shoe.
So, I apologize for everything. It was, however, worth the death and stuff I had to deal with through the night.

The Echoes Of A Distant Time Come Willowing Across The Sand

Wherein I express my opinion that General Mills needs to get their act together

I was recently treated to a sort of epiphany. The things that kids nowadays do that are being blamed upon the so called "violent video games" are not soley responsible for the actions of these unruly youths.
As a child these kids were subjected to television commercials advertising breakfast cereals from a certain company. These commercials made things like petty larceny, arrest without just cause, and cannibalism (assumed, but still) look okay. If the parents are not around to instill a value system into the child that says "Hey, kid! Stealing things, standing idly around watching people get chased by cops for no reason, and eating people is wrong. Don't do it!!," than it is more the parent's falt than anything that the kid is screwed up to start with.
Now, on to what I am referring to.
The rabbit on the Trix commercials is a good place to start. I am torn between my desire to see the rabbit get the Trix, but on the other hand, I am tired of watching him try to steal them. Why doesn't he just go buy his own? I mean think about it, stealing the Trix is much the same as stealing candy from a baby. Granted, the kids he is always trying to get them from are stuck up little snot-nosed brats who may have it coming, but the kids' parents are the ones shelling out their hard earned cash for the cereal. The kids may deserve having the stuff stolen, but techincally that stupid rabbit is stealing the money from the parents. How is that a good infulence?
Also, Lucky the Leprechaun. He can not seem to eat or whatever he wants to do with his lucky charms in peace. He is always being hounded by the snot-nosed brats who are trying to steal his stuff. He seems unable to work any of his Leprechaun magic to deter those meddling kids. Honestly, the things that Leprechaun goes through just to eat breakfast everyday.
The parents actually miss these things that are scarring their kids from an early age?
You think the petty larceny is not enough?
Take the Cookie Crisp dog. Constantly being hounded by the cop. That Irish git is always after him. What is the dog's crime? Wanting to eat cookies for breakfast. How is that a crime? Answer me that. If anything, feeding kids cookies for breakfast makes a very happy kid. I speak from personal experience here. I can look back with fondness at the mornings I woke up only to find that dad had brought home a bag filled with cookies to have for breakfast. Those were decidedly much happier days for me.
Anyway, I think that stupid smeg-head of a cop needs to get his priorites straight. He needs to do something about that rabbit's kleptomania problem, and he needs to sit those kids who seem to discriminate against Leprechauns down and have a nice long talk with them, preferably involving the head breaker he tended to carry around.
Also, the cop needs to look into the disappearance of the other two Cinnamon Toast Crunch chefs. Years ago there were 3 of them. Two tall thin ones and a shortish fat git. The two thin ones were, one day, just gone, and the last one seems to have put on a few extra pounds, No explaination for either occurance that I remember.
So, yeah, in short, General Mills needs to re-evaluate their commercials, and that cop needs to stop being a lazy git and start taking care of the real crimes. The racism, larceny, and cannibalism.
If these things happen, then our kids won't be subjected to having their already fragile values systems shaken, so hard, possibly that it winds up being destroyed merely by a cereal advertisement.
Think about it people. That's all I ask.

The More I Think About It, Seems To Me

Music: Everybody's Dead Dave ~ Red Dwarf
These be mp3 files. Just click and wait for a few moments. They should start playing after a bit.
Good for a laugh.
Everybody's dead, Dave
Dave's crimes against humanity
Quotes from Red Dwarf's first television season.
Good stuff. Really.

Here I Am, Yes It’s Me

Music: Here I Am ~ Lyle Lovett
As I sit here thinking about it, I am reading quite the appropriate book.
Elric: Song of the Black Sword.
Elric is quite possibly one of the most depressing hero-type characters who was ever concieved. This is appropriate because I realized that today is the one year mark of the start of what wound up being quite possibly the most depressing year of my life.
I might elaborate further later on.
We shall see.

Love (Cheese) Is All You Need

Dr. Fitzkee's Lucky Astrology Diet
The problem with the diets of today is that most women who do acieve that magic weight, seventy-six pounds, are still fat. Dr. Fitzkee's Lucky Astrology Diet is a sure-fire method of reducing with the added luxury that you never feel hungry.
Here's how the diet works:
Foods Allowed:
First Month: One egg
Second Month: A raisin
Third Month: Pumpkin pie with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
If after the third month you haven't gotten to your dream weight, try lopping off parts of your body until those sales tip just right for you.

Jeepers Creepers

oh, skippee

Let Me Fly Far Away From Here

It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere.
I'm all alone, more or less.
Let me fly, far away from here.
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.
I want to lie shipwrecked and comotose,
Drinking fresh mango juice,
Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes.
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.

It’s Cold Outside

So. Yeah
"In fifty years time, the second World War will start."
"What's so great about that?"
"Millions of people will come to life, and Hitler will retreat across Europe, liberate France and Poland, dismantle the Third Reich, and then bug off back to Austria. What's not to love?"
"Santa Clause. What a bastard!"
"Who?"
"You know, the fat git who sneaks down little kids' chimneys late at night and steals their favorite toys?
Picked up Red Dwarf Series III on DVD this afternoon. Good stuff there.

I Did Not Say Much, I Just Stood There Watching As That .45 Told Them Goodbye

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject of towels.
A towel, it says, is the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound he cold moons of Jaglon Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kafrofoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal--daft as a brush, but very very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitchhiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has a towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet-weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that a hitchhiker might accidentally have "lost." What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, it is clearly as man to be reckoned with. Hence a phrase that has passed into hitchhiking slang, as in "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is." (Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)
"If you want to survive in life, you've got to know where your towel is."