I've Been Dazed And Confused For So Long It's Not True

I asked Chat-GPT to analyze my iTunes library. It went ahead and incorporated a lot of the nonsense that I've asked it to make for me over the last year, and honestly, I'm kind of okay with this. 

 

I should probably start compiling this annually. It would be interesting to see how my iTunes library evolves during the course of each year.

  

 Library by the Numbers

Based on the XML you uploaded:

• 19,180 tracks
• 426 artists
• 1,396 albums
• Roughly 5,350 hours of audio
  • That's about 223 straight days of continuous listening.
• Music spanning at least the 1950s through the 2020s.

This is not a casual collection.

This is a curated archive.

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Your Taste Profile

The Holy Trinity

Your collection is built around three pillars:

1. Classic Rock

The undisputed champions are:

• Led Zeppelin (1,239 tracks)
• Pink Floyd (731 tracks)
• Queen + Paul Rodgers (644 tracks)

These aren't "I own the greatest hits" numbers.

These are "I own every concert recording I can get my hands on" numbers.

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2. Live Recordings

The biggest revelation from your library is that you are obsessed with live material.

Albums like:

• Live At The BBC
• Live At Wembley Stadium
• Mirror Ball – Live & More
• Live 1978–1992

show up repeatedly.

Many music fans collect songs.

You collect performances.

You want to hear:

• alternate solos
• crowd reactions
• mistakes
• extended jams
• different eras of a band

That's a very specific kind of music nerd.

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3. Soundtracks & Video Games

One of the biggest surprises:

Your collection contains substantial soundtrack material including:

• Super Mario Odyssey
• Super Mario 3D World
• Final Fantasy IX
• The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
• Command & Conquer
• Command & Conquer: Red Alert

This lines up perfectly with your retro gaming interests.

You don't merely play games.

You remember them.

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The Biggest Plot Twist

Hanson

You have exactly what I'd expect from:

• Zeppelin fans
• Floyd fans
• Sabbath fans
• Rush fans

Then suddenly:

Hanson — 299 tracks

That is one of the funniest statistical anomalies in the entire library.

The musical equivalent of:

"I collect antique military rifles, classic muscle cars, and... Beanie Babies."

It's wonderful.

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Genre Breakdown

Your top genres include:

1. Rock
2. Recording Of Independent Origin
3. DVD
4. Country
5. Pop
6. Classic Rock
7. Progressive Rock
8. Christmas
9. Soundtrack
10. Blues
11. Metal
12. Comedy

This is interesting because it means you aren't actually a pure rock listener.

You are a:

• rock listener
• soundtrack listener
• comedy listener
• concert collector
• spoken-word listener

all at once.

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The Collector Archetype

Many people build libraries in one of four ways.

The Casual Listener

Owns 300 songs.

Not you.

The Trend Follower

Owns mostly recent hits.

Definitely not you.

The Completionist

Owns entire artist catalogs.

Partly you.

The Archivist

Collects weird versions, live shows, radio broadcasts, soundtracks, rarities, and forgotten releases.

This is overwhelmingly you.

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Personality Indicators

If a psychologist looked only at your music library, I suspect they'd conclude:

High Curiosity

You don't stay inside one lane.

Classic rock fans usually don't also have huge game soundtrack collections.

You do.

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High Nostalgia

Not "living in the past."

More:

"The past contains cool things worth preserving."

That attitude appears in:

• retro games
• classic rock
• vintage comics
• historical education projects
• older books

The library reflects the same tendency.

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Strong Sense of Humor

The presence of comedy albums, novelty music, radio material, and artists like Weird Al Yankovic is completely consistent with your conversations.

You seem to enjoy things that are both good and funny.

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Appreciation of Craft

Your favorite artists tend to feature:

• elite guitarists
• strong songwriters
• memorable live performers

You seem more interested in skill than fashion.

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If Your Library Were a Museum

It would have four wings:

Hall 1: The Temple of Classic Rock

Led Zeppelin.
Pink Floyd.
Queen.
Rush.
The Beatles.

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Hall 2: The Concert Vault

Bootlegs.
Live albums.
BBC sessions.
Rare recordings.

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Hall 3: The Arcade

Mario.
Zelda.
Final Fantasy.
Command & Conquer.

Visitors spend far longer here than expected.

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Hall 4: The Weird Stuff

Comedy.
Novelty recordings.
Oddball discoveries.
Things nobody expected to find.

Possibly guarded by ninja squirrels.

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The One-Sentence Summary

Your library doesn't belong to someone who asks, "What's popular?"

It belongs to someone who asks:

"What's interesting, and do I have the live version?"

And after looking at nearly 20,000 tracks, that might be the single most accurate description of your musical personality.

Feed Jake

I sometimes find myself wondering random things.

For instance, why did we decide to domesticate some animals for pets, and some for food. What logic went into figuring that out?

What if instead of someone looking at a chicken and saying "I bet that will be delicious!" and someone looking at a dog and saying "That would make a great pet!" why not the other way around?

I am, in no way shape or form, advocating eating dogs, but what if someone had said to themselves "That chicken looks like it would make a great house pet!" and people ran with it? 

So The Maples Formed A Union

 Again, I love the AI generated inconsistencies, and the complete insanity of the whole thing,

You Get To Meet All Sorts In This Line Of Work

 Continuing the TMNS idea, I'll throw out some character details.

 

tell me about the news reporter lady they are friends with

 

Every good team of mutant heroes needs a reliable human ally, so let me introduce:

Cassidy “Cass” Lane – Investigative Reporter

Cassidy Lane is a fearless, street-smart journalist working for Channel 6 News. She’s in her mid-20s, sharp-witted, and always chasing the next big scoop—sometimes into places she shouldn’t be. While covering a string of bizarre crimes in the city’s parks, she accidentally discovered the Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrels during a late-night chase involving their nemesis, Dr. Ratticus.

Why They’re Friends:

• At first, she was shocked by talking, ninja-trained squirrels, but after they saved her from the Verminion Horde, she quickly warmed up to them.
• She helps them by uncovering secrets, hacking into news databases, and exposing corruption that threatens their home.
• They, in turn, protect her when she gets in over her head with criminals, mutants, and mad scientists.

Personality & Skills:

• Clever & Determined – Won’t stop until she gets the truth.
• Tech-Savvy – Uses gadgets, cameras, and drones to gather intel.
• Quick on Her Feet – Good at escaping trouble (when the squirrels aren’t around).
• Signature Look – Wears a red leather jacket, carries a messenger bag full of reporter gear, and has auburn hair often tied in a ponytail.

She serves as their link to the human world and sometimes even sneaks them information through coded messages in her news reports.

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End

Last year I asked ChatGPT to create the Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrels. My goal is to have an entire comic book, because why not? Yes. I'm aware of all of the controversy surrounding AI training and generation. I'm doing it to understand how it works. 

please draw a picture of the teenage mutant ninja squirrels

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm entertained by all of the errors in this. Mismatched weapons. Squirrels with shells...I wonder if it will improve as I gradually request pages.

Now You Play A Pretty Good Fiddle Boy

There are certain phrases that arrive in your life without explanation, like an unattended shopping cart drifting across a parking lot or a duck wearing what appears to be a wristwatch. Today’s phrase was:

"Now You Play A Pretty Good Fiddle Boy."

Nobody said it.

Nobody wrote it (Well, Charlie Daniels did).

It simply appeared in my head at approximately 8:17 this morning and sat there like a county fair judge waiting for livestock.

I spent much of the day trying to determine whether this was something my brain had remembered or something it had manufactured on-site. Human memory, after all, is less a filing cabinet and more a raccoon operating a paper shredder.

The phrase feels like it belongs to a story. Specifically, the sort of story told by a man named Clem who has somehow become mayor of a riverboat despite possessing neither a river nor a boat.

I imagine the scene unfolds thusly.

A young fiddler arrives in town. Through determination, talent, and an alarming willingness to perform for poultry, he eventually wins the annual Tri-County String Extravaganza. At the awards ceremony, the town elder rises slowly from his chair, adjusts his suspenders, and declares:

"Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy."

Thunder erupts. The moon cracks in half. Several geese are elected to public office.

The fiddler, naturally, is never heard from again.

This is because stories traditionally end when the protagonist achieves his goal. Nobody wants the sequel where the fiddle champion spends six months arguing with an insurance provider about coverage for moon-related damages.

Meanwhile, real life consists almost entirely of those sequels.

Today I paid three bills, answered four emails, and spent twelve minutes searching for a pair of scissors that I myself had placed in a perfectly sensible location. The location, regrettably, was sensible only to the version of me that existed yesterday. That individual is effectively a stranger.

Perhaps that's what adulthood actually is: a continuous series of negotiations with previous versions of yourself.

"Why did you put the scissors there?"

"I had reasons."

"They were bad reasons."

"They were excellent reasons at the time."

In any case, the scissors were eventually discovered inside a box labeled "Important Cables," which is where all objects eventually migrate, much like salmon returning to their spawning grounds.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sudden urge to learn the fiddle.

I suspect I may be one compliment away from accidentally becoming a legend.