When I'm A Good Dog They Sometimes Throw Me A Bone

Original Title: Ugh

Ugh
friday night / saturday morning
working all night
sleeping for just under 5 hours
saturday day / saturday night:
working 11 hours
sleeping for just under 4 hours
sunday morning / sunday night:
working another 9 hours
sunday night / monday morning or afternoon:
then sleeping until someone wakes me up
that is how my weekend is going to go
ugh
i hate being me sometimes...

• Current Mood:rad

Bad Company Till The Day I Die

Original Title: That's Right, I'm Evil...EVIL!!!

This further proves the whole "Evil" thing.

. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

All In All We Were All Just Bricks In The Wall

Original Title: History Of The Spork Pt. 5

Hey Hey guess what!Here is the long awaited addition to the story!
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has (there is no had about it!) a problem. That problem lies somewhere on the large landmass in the northwestern hemisphere. In a warehouse owned by an insignificant little fish joint lies every remaining Spork in the Galaxy. More on that later, but for now back to the story (continuity is so demanding!).'
When Forkifeller regained consciousness, he was in an unfamiliar wooden room. He thought it slightly odd that the room be made of wood, as opposed to the Niatanium that the rest of the ship is made of. His first thought was of being transported off the ship. When he looked out of the porthole(??) he realized he was still on the ship. Had to be his, his clothes were strewn all about the room.
As he wondered aimlessly (he prefers the term "exploring") about the ship, he finds a room that must be the bridge. That is because it is the same bridge he remembers from before he began his journey. After figuring out what happened (the improbability field re-designed the ship), he called up a blueprint of the ship in it's current state. Immediatly Forkifeller fell in love with it's new look.
It appeared to be a wooden sailing ship. Only there was no sail. There were majestic wings spread outward from the sides of the ship. The rudder was designed to look like a beautifully crafted tail. The figurehead was intricatly carved to resemble the head of a great and mighty dragon.
It saddens me that each time I do this, I get closer and closer to the point of writing "The End." I am having far too much fun with this. I may go and expand upon it eventually, but after I get this "short story" done, I will probably move onto some other project. To be perfectly honest, I am only writing right now, so that I am not tempted to read my current book!

• Current Mood:rad

Naked And Famous

"Naked and Famous"
I can't explain glacial motion
Or why Los Angeles don't drop into the ocean
I can't unfold the layers of mystery
Or piece together the tragedy of history
'Cuz those lucky suckers, they don't have to work
Big 3-D billboards and big 30-foot Smurfs
And everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wanna be just like me, I'm naked and famous
I met a poet, said she didn't like the smell of it
Then took her clothes off in a restaurant for the hell of it
I met a DJ who lived in seclusion, reality and sobriety were her only
delusions
And those lucky bastards, they don't have to work
Big 3-D billboards and big 30-foot Smurfs
And everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wanna be just like me, I'm naked and famous
Woo uh hoo hoo hoo
Wow ah hoo hoo hoo
Well, don't get a nosebleed, don't get upset
We can't be naked and famous just yet
There's a big gold dollar sign on the Sunset Strip
And you can send your friend a postcard, it ain't worth the trip
Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wanna be just like me I'm naked
Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wanna be just like me I'm naked
Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wanna be just like me I'm naked
Wow wow yeah
Ah hoo hoo hoo
Whoo
Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wants to be just like me I'm naked and famous

• Current Mood:rad

A Poem On The Underground Wall

Original Title: D@mn Computers

"Damn Computers"
By Reno L. Gateman & B9
My computer is so gay, do da, do da
I wish it would go away, oh do da day
Damn computers
Microsoft claims to be all big and bad
In reality, their software is plain out sad
Damn computers
The program continues sticking
Despite all of your pointing and clicking
Damn computers
The many supposed perks
That's assuming it works
Damn computers
The greatest thing since sliced bread
Yet half the time the manual goes unread
Damn computers
Instant internet messengers
For better or worse, usually worse
Damn computers
All you get is a signal of busy
Oh well, IM chat contributes to illiteracy
Damn computers

• Current Mood:rad

The Last Few Bricks

Original Title: The History Of The Spork Pt. 4

I do not like the way those last 2 paragraphs look together. Sorry, that is just not going to work. So, let's see if I can't get it better this time.
Ok. Back to the story!!
Finally, after years of failure and dejection, Forkifeller McSpooniker was a household name. The success of the Spork was just totally unprecedented. After Chef Platine began endorsing the Spork, everyone wanted not one, not two, but entire sets of them! It was insane! Forkifeller himself made billions in the first month.
Mr. McSpooniker was able to go and buy himself the most expensive and technilogically advanced starship the galaxy had to offer. It was also the most unpredictible starship ever built. It was powered by an Infinite Improbability Drive, which, it should be noted, had insanely devestating effects on the planet of Ginantonnix
A slight explanation of the Infinite Improbability Drive seems to be in order. The Infinite Improbability Drive is a wonderful new method of crossing vast interstellar distances in a mere nothingth of a second, without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace. You merely tell the computer what you want to happen, it then calculates the probability of it happening, and then the drive basically tells space and time to get bent. Which, one might add, it does nicely. Granted there is the added element of unpredictability, such as a planet randomly turning into a giant bananna cream pie or a flock of geese (who then proceed to axphyxiate almost immediatly). Something like that happened to Ginantonnix.
Shortly after takeoff, he clicked the Improbability Drive on. Rumor had it that the Francieanian Pyramids were still intact. He wanted to see for himself. So after feeding the required information into the computer, the computer convinced the planet Ginantonnix that it would be a much happier place if it were a giant boquet of roses, and then proceeded to take him to the pyramids.

• Current Mood:rad

Who Are You?

Original Title: What's Next??

Tortoise Victim of Violence Gets TV Set Wheels
Wed Aug 7,12:50 PM ET
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - A domesticated tortoise that lost the use of its hind feet after being hit by a stray bullet during a shootout in a Rio de Janeiro shantytown has won a pair of wheels to move around again.

Doctors at a veterinary clinic in Rio's beachside Copacabana district said Tuesday the 20-year-old animal was learning to walk, or roll, using its front feet and a pair of wheels from a television rack, attached to the bottom side of its shell with adhesive bandage.
The owner of the animal, who lives in the shantytown, cannot afford to pay for the treatment, but one of the doctors is taking care of the reptile, whose thick bony shell had failed to protect it from the bullet, for free.
To quote a character from "The Simpsons": "Those liberal freaks go too far!"

• Current Mood:rad

Rock & Roll And Stairway To Heaven

Elo Kiddies!!
I don't see any story happening this weekend. My brother has one of his dopey friends over, and I have to open tomorrow at work. I will attempt to have twice as much next week to make up for it though.
Here are some Led Zeppelin song lyrics to hold you over until then though:
Rock And Roll
(Bonham/Jones/Page/Plant)
It's been a long time since I rock and rolled,
It's been a long time since I did the Stroll.
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back,
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from.
It's been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time. Yes it has.
It's been a long time since the book of love,
I can't count the tears of a life with no love.
Carry me back, carry me back,
Carry me back, baby, where I come from.
It's been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
Seems so long since we walked in the moonlight,
Making vows that just can't work right.
Open your arms, opens your arms,
Open your arms, baby, let my love come running in.
It's been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
Stairway To Heaven
(Page/Plant)
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.
There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

• Current Mood:rad

I Can't Drive 55

Original Title: "We apologize for the inconvience."

I apologize for the lack of story this week. I was going to write it early Thursday morning, but I was having an extremely bad day. Maybe I can get it done tonight or this weekend, but I am not holding my breath.

• Current Mood:rad

Helter Skelter In A Summer Swelter

Original Title: Sowing The Seeds Of Confusion...

Ever had one of those days where everything you believe about a person you respect and admire is put into question? Not by the actions and statements of that person, but by someone else's speculation and observations?
Happened to me tonight. Now I am so confused about the whole issue that I don't know what is and what is not true.
Best part of it is I don't know when it will work out that I can actually find out what is really going on. Although I am told I should not even bother.
I love sowing confusion, but hate being confused.
Being me really really sucks!

• Current Mood:rad