Somewhere In Time And Space

 Also the Sci-Fi Channel cast of MST3K is about to get back together and throw out four new episodes under the MST3K brand?

What fresh hell, 2026? What fresh hell? 

It's 3am I Must Be Lonely

So this is  a thing now.  Too bad I am sleeping just at the moment, so you get a scheduled post.

Hooray!

 

Way Down In Deep 13

So here we are.


It is April 6th, 2017.


In eight days we will no longer live in a world where there is no new Mystery Science Theater 3000 to look forward to.


Since September 12, 1999 there have been no new episodes.  The Sci-Fi ( as it was still known) channel ran the last episode (which was actually something like the 3rd episode of the last season) a few weeks late since there was trouble with obtaining the rights to the movie.


In 2015 Joel ran a Kickstarter campaign to get the show restarted, and just about 18 months later here we are.

So...In the not too distant future, I will be watching some MST3K on Netflix.

Hai-Keeba!

Just Repeat To Yourself It's Just A Show

 

This totally needs to happen.

In The Not Too Distant Future

So I finally achieved my goal of obtaining every episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000...Like 3 weeks ago.

About two days after I finished with that, Joel Hodgson (the man who created the show) announced a Kickstarter campaign to revive said show.

It is now on track to make six new episodes.  With the goal of making twelve and being able to attract some network somewhere to start the series anew.

If I have some money lying around when this run of bills is taken care of for the month, I'm totally giving some to it!

I Am Iron Man

In the tradition of I, Robot comes I, Ronman, the story of a shy college student who is bitten by a radioactive guy named Ron. Our hero's DNA is transformed, his body taking on the attributes of Ron until - hang on. Apparently we got that wrong and there's nothing remotely that cool going on here. It's Iron Man and from what we're told it's just a guy in a metal suit. Kind of looks like a Transformer. Fights another guy who looks like a Transformer. And you get to see Gwyneth Paltrow's back. And it's directed by the guy who did Zathura.

Not only that, it made a gajillion dollars, no doubt because people got confused and thought they were seeing I, Ronman.

But Mike, Kevin and Bill put aside their collective disappointment over it not being I, Ronman and give it the most iron fortified RiffTrax yet!

• Current Location:Home, Home Again
• Current Mood: curious
• Current Music:Iron Man DVD Menu Music

He’ll Try To Keep His Sanity

Original Title: Dear Japan

Dear Japan,
Bite me!
Love
Prince Of Space
I am in the midst of aquiring every episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
At present I have 31 out of 197 which puts me just shy of 6.5% of the way there.
Good luck me.
But I should have 6 more coming in the next couple of days.

Sittin' On This Bar Stool Talkin' Like A Damn Fool

Original Title: Much fun to be had

Whoo
I am painting my room. It was formerly white with water and smoke damage. It will soon be white with white. This makes me glad.

I am also attempting to download every epsiode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and burn them onto DVDs. My only regret so far is that I only got one spindle when the Target had them on sale for $15.98 per 50 pack.

Ah well. Time to go and eat something now because the paint fumes are making me high.

Also, the Jeep has a gas leak. Getting that fixed now. Fun stuff indeed.

Mike Nelson And His Robot Pals Are Caught In An Endless Chase

Slab Bulkhead
Fridge Largemeat
Punt Speedchunk
Butch Deadlift
Bold Bigflank
Splint Chesthair
Flint Ironstag
Bolt Vanderhuge
Thick McRunfast
Blast Hardcheese
Buff Drinklots
Trunk Slamchest
Fist Rockbone
Stump Beefgnaw
Smash Lampjaw
Punch Rockgroin
Buck Plankchest
Stump Chunkman
Dirk Hardpeck
Rip Steakface
Slate Slabrock
Crud Bonemeal
Brick Hardmeat
Rip Sidecheek
Punch Sideiron
Gristle McThornBody
Slake Fistcrunch
Buff Hardback
Bob Johnson
Blast Thickneck
Crunch Buttsteak
Slab Squatthrust
Lump Beefrock
Touch Rustrod
Reef Blastbody
Big McLargeHuge
Smoke Manmuscle
Beat Punchbeef
Pack Blowfist
Roll Fizzlebeef

Night Train To Mundo Fine

I try not to take a firm stand on issues like these, because I don't want to become one of those Comic Book Guy-style movie geeks who pronounce every film they see to be the "worst... movie... ever." But I will say this for "Manos": It does have a bumbling, almost charming naïveté about it. When you see the movie, it's clear that it became such an unwatchable mess because director Hal Warren was in way, way over his head and didn't have a clue what he was doing. With Red Zone Cuba, however, you get the feeling that everyone involved knew better, but just didn't care.

This makes it something much, much worse than an incompetently-made, idiotic B-movie that evokes reactions of unintentional hilarity. No, this is a movie that will make you angry, angrier than you've ever felt in a movie before. Angrier than when Kirk fell under a bridge in Generations, angrier than watching what Joel Schumacher did to Batman, angrier than how you felt during the endings of AI, The Game, Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes, or Boxing Helena all put together.

Far be it for me to spoil a movie this early into a review, but Red Zone Cuba is a film that seriously gives Seinfeld a run for its money in the "being about nothing" department. In this movie, three drifters meet up and do nothing. Then they get recruited by the military, and nothing happens. The military sends them off to Cuba, and nothing happens there, either. Finally, after some more nothing happening, they head out to a mine where nothing happens some more, until one guy dies. Seriously, that's the whole movie.

Compounding the pain is how the "characters" are about as charming as my living room furniture. (And I live in a crack house.) The three main characters actually have negative personality. That is to say, as I watched this movie, personality was sucked out of me and I become a significantly less interesting person than I was before I saw it.

Any discussion of Red Zone Cuba would be remiss without a mention of its writer, director, and star, Coleman Francis, who's also singlehandedly responsible for two other cinematic abominations, Beast of Yucca Flats and Skydivers. Until the IMDb recently altered the formula used to calculate the list of its bottom 100 films, these three movies were all in the bottom fifteen. Probability dictates that every now and then, a totally clueless director like Hal Warren or Tony Malanowski might punch through and end up making one of the worst movies ever just by pure chance, but to make three of them clearly requires active hatred towards paying audiences.

And don't think his co-producer and co-star Tony Cardoza gets off the hook here, either. Not only did he co-produce all of Francis' films, but he also produced and had a cameo in Hellcats, a film that somehow is just as hellish to sit through. Watching these films makes it abundantly clear that both Francis and Cardoza had negative talent, and when they get together, incredibly, the whole is even less than the sum of its parts. In this regard, Red Zone Cuba is their masterpiece, because it might just be the one, true anti-movie.

Now, I usually don't mention stuff before the movie like FBI warnings or production credits (unless they happen to be printed on a sheet of paper), but in this case I have to mention that the words "An Anthony Cardoza Enterprise Release" hang on the screen for at least three minutes [!]. Personally, if I were even partially responsible for a piece of shit like this, my name would blink on and off the screen faster than the legal disclaimers at the end of a reality show. But maybe that's just me.

The movie itself starts with a car rolling into a dilapidated train station that looks like it's way, way on the outskirts of town, which is probably where Coleman Francis should have left this movie's screenplay and any notion of filming it. A young guy wearing a tie and a tweed jacket gets out of the car, and then we cut to John Carradine in a stereotypical conductor's outfit of an overalls and cap. Yes, that's right, this movie is blessing us with the sight of John Carradine dressed like a character from Thomas the Tank Engine
All this and more can be found here!

Puma Man... He Flies Like A Moron

Original Title: You Might Be A Pumaman If...

You Might Be A PumaMan If...
1. Your friend's father drives a Chevy; your father drives a large Christmas ornament.
2. Seventies' commercial music always comes on whenever you do ANYTHING.
3. Your best friend happens to be an Aztec onion with the habit of throwing people out windows.
4. You only sense danger when there ISN'T any.
5. Your weapon of choice: a plunger.
6. You've got a belt buckle big enough to make a Texan proud (I know, it's broad stereotype. My apologies to Texans.)
7. Your girlfriend has a mouth wider than a Japanese anime character, and sugar-frosted eyes to boot.
8. You've spent the last three months trying to get your best friend to remember your real name; he keeps calling you "Neil."
9. Crashing British fire trucks is a sport, as far as you're concerned.
10. Your sense of fashion is inspired by Big Bird and Alan Alda.
11. Even while swimming, you can still pull off the dry look.
12. The black, leather jumpsuits that your enemies wear made Mr. Blackwell realize that all his work has been for nothing.
13. When in an airplane, you insist to the flight attendant that the correct flying position is with your southern end in the air.
14. No matter how many restraining orders you get, you're STILL followed everywhere by Donald Pleasance.
15. Your science teacher was perplexed when the egg you dropped from the top of the school building fell at a sixty degree angle.
16. You consider JUMPING AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT an artform.

• Current Mood:rad

Dr. Forrester And Tv's Frank Were Hatching An Evil Scheme

Original Title: Evil

• Oct. 15th, 2002 at 1:41 AM

Well done comrade! You're one of the big boys! When you're not holding speeches about how everyone is equal in the communist society, you're busy living the high-life while millions starve, freeze or get worked to death! You zany person you!
What tin-pot dictator are you? Take the "What Dictator am I?" test at PoisonedMinds.com

Man oh man. Am I evil or am I evil?
I was reading through Bethany's diary, and I stumbled across that one!
Anyway, pertaining to her most recent entry. I remember those days. It was not cool at all. I am still trying to pull myself out of that hole. Things started looking up for me when I stopped with the whole school thing. Most of you whom I went to school with would swear that the person you know is my "evil twin." If that's the case, you are a moron. There. Done.
I seem to be happy and energetic now! Almost always. As opposed to the almost never it was before. Still cynical and sarcastic, but I have reason (extremely good one I might add!) to believe that it's hereditary.
Don't worry, though, I am still evil...EVIL!!!

• Current Mood:rad