Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I Wish The Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me

Spike
Dear The Real World,

Hi!  How are you?

Really?  That's so cute!  Now shut up.  So I have a problem.

My problem is that you (The Real World) are trying to impose yourself over top of the world I try to live in.

In my world you can catch a cheetah by putting some cheetos under a box and do "the old pull on a rope and knock the stick over" trick to catch a cheetah.  In my world kids are very anti-rabbit to the point where rabbits are forced to eat grass instead of the Trix they would otherwise be entitled to.  In my world all the Irish cops have nothing better to do than chase a guy who wants to eat cookies instead of real food.  Don't get me started on the Leprechauns...Those creepy, creepy little murderous bastards.

I have it on good authority that in the real world children eat cheetos, rabbits eat Trix, and cheetahs are anti-social killing machines (as opposed to lovely, fluffy pets).  The real world wants me to believe that not all cops are Irish, and they have better things to do with their time than chase Cookie Monster (who also, seemingly, does not exist).

Well guess what, Real World...I have a problem with you and your rules and restrictions!  Why can't any of the things I want to be true actually be true?  Just because you say so?  On who's authority?

Why don't you look into that and get back with me?

Thanks! (asshole)
-Me