Another Brick In The Wall Part 3

Original Title: History Of The Spork Pt. 3

The man was laughing so hard that he neary collapsed. Those that were in the Shuttlebug with him looked at him with interest. It seemed that the man who had appeared out of nowhere on the bug was also feather plucking insane, but they did not know what he knew. They also did not know about Molecular Relocation devices.
Forkifeller was well aware of the lynch mob forming at the landing pad. He was lucky to have found the Crylilyigian passenger ship just floating in interplanetary space. Computer Navigation, one Molecular Relocation Device, and audio/visual recording equipment are all standard equipment on the passenger vessels. It was, therefore, a simple matter to set the ship on computer navigation, record all of the messages he would need to land, and jump ship. It seems to have happened in just that way too.
Five minutes after the ship landed, there was a recorded instrumental bit, a pre-arranged spotlight cycle began to run, a majestic walkway extended itself, the hatchway opened, and a red carpet unfurled along the walkway. No one took the liberty of appearing though. A full 47.2 seconds went by where everyone in the mob stood there not knowing what to do. Then they stormed the ship.
Once the mob entered the cockpit, the ship was racked with several internal explosions that devastated the ship. Working their way from the hatchway, the explosions eventually made it to the cockpit. Before the end came, however a recorded message from Forkifeller played out, wishing them all good luck, and a better time of it in the next life. The mob was puzzled, until one final massive explosion destroyed the entire ship and everyone in it.
Five minutes after that, Mr. McSpooniker disembarked from the Shuttlebug a few blocks from the government patent office. History shows that after conducting a bit of business there, he went to the office complex of the most famous holovision chef on the planet. Chef Platine, it turns out, was more than willing to endorse the "Spork" as the coolest invention since ice cubes.
Finally, after years of failure and dejection, Forkifeller McSpooniker was a household name. The success of the Spork was just totally unprecedented. After Chef Platine began endorsing the Spork, everyone wanted not one, not two, but entire sets of them! It was insane! Forkifeller himself made billions in the first month.
The Infinite Improbability Drive is a wonderful new method of crossing vast interstellar distances in a mere nothingth of a second, without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace. You merely tell the computer what you want to happen, it then calculates the probability of it happening, and then the drive basically tells space and time to get bent. Which, one might add, it does nicely. Granted there is the added element of unpredictability, such as a planet randomly turning into a giant bananna cream pie or a flock of geese (who then proceed to axphyxiate almost immediatly).

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